Really personal thoughs and i gonna hurt some people especially my Eric dear.
It's abt some of my perspectives of my current relationship.
Another 2 days more and we are together for 2 years and 3 months. My longest relationship after a few puppy love and 1 heart breaking love. I know i shouldnt use time to measure, but i really take this relationship seriously.
As you can read, i rarely talk abt my relationship with my Eric dear. I din know why either, but i guess i just wanna keep it low profile.
Right from the beginning, i felt that this relationship isnt the same from the past ones i had. Maybe i have grown mature enough to handle my love and not make the same mistakes twice. During our relationship, i've learn to control my temper and learn to a better person.
To me, Our love didn't just happen overnight. We learn to treasure, discover and appreciate each other and love was build over the months. We comes from 2 different family backgrounds and 2 different characters. Eric is a optmistic and i'm a pessimistic . Our values of life maybe different too.
But fates is just a natural thing??? It bring us together even thou we live in 2 different world. Till now, sometimes i still wonder why are we able to come together?
Feels a little pessimistic now. I know he's aint perfect and makes me unhappy sometimes, but i'm not perfect too. In fact, i'm far from perfect.
I'm a typical virgo. Although my room, my thoughs maybe messy, i still want to be perfect whether inside or outside me. Yes, i'm a perfectionist and i know there's no such thing in this world. I want to be Belle ! (from beauty and the beast) She's pretty, she's got beautiful character, she's got wonderful father and she's got prince charming but sadly fairytale doesnt exists. I know i shouldnt believe all this fairytales but my heart just want to follow them.
Perhaps, i still havent grow up. Women/girls are really contridicting creatures. We may say it's ok, everything is fine, but our hearts tells us a hundred no! Because we dunn want to hurt the ones we care. We dunn want them to be unhappy or even change their decision because of us. Female are more sensitive than their counterparts.
School is going to start in less than a month. I'm not prepared and i know I'll have lesser time with him for the next 2 1/2years. It's another major change in our relationship. I dunn have confidence that our relationship is gonna be alright this time. I will still try to put in effort but with studies and projects coming up, my "efforts" will need to spread evenly.
Many will ask, he can do it (study and work) why cant you? My explanation is simple. When he's studying, i stay at home and wait for him, When he has no school, we can meet up. So what will happen if he study 1,3,5 and i study 2,4,6? we will only had sunday left. I am not complaining that one of us dunn study. We need to keep on improves and upgrade ourselves. I dunn want to stress him either cuz i rather i'll be the one who is stressing over all this minor stuff. I should say that i'm worried rather than stress.
Becuz i treasure this relationship, i'm worried, i care and plan our future. I shouldnt have say all this out cuz i dunn want to give him too much hope (abt our future) and makes him pain if things didnt turn out fine.
I care for him so much that my heart feels pain when i think abt it. Feels kinda scare cuz i din realise i love him so much so much that it hurts.
This post is so personal so personal and i really not sure if i should post it. I hope i wun regret.
I love Eric Dear so much so much! I love you darling!
I'll treasure him and every single time we meet and i hope he will too.
I dunn wanna cry at night again...
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